The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce Recommended Reading oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that many of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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