The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," directory North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to this content work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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